As moms, we want nothing more than for our kids to feel deeply loved and understood. But have you ever felt like your child doesn’t fully receive the love you’re giving? Maybe you shower them with hugs, but they just want to spend time with you. Or perhaps you leave sweet notes in their lunchbox, but they crave praise instead.
That’s where love languages come in. The concept, originally introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman, helps us understand the unique ways our children give and receive love. By learning to “speak” your child’s love language, you can strengthen your bond and nurture their emotional well-being in ways that truly resonate.
Ready to decode your child's love language? Let’s break it down.
What Are the Five Love Languages for Kids?
Each child expresses and receives love differently. Here are the five love languages and how they might show up in your child’s daily life:
Words of Affirmation – Your child lights up when you praise them or give verbal encouragement. They thrive on kind words, compliments, and reassurance.
Gifts – A thoughtful surprise, a handmade card, or a small trinket makes them feel special. It’s not about materialism—it’s about the thought behind the gift.
Acts of Service – They feel most loved when you do things for them, like making their favorite snack, helping with homework, or fixing a broken toy.
Quality Time – One-on-one attention means everything. They crave uninterrupted moments with you, whether playing a game, reading a book, or going on a fun outing.
Physical Touch – Hugs, cuddles, high-fives, and holding hands fill their love tank. They’re always climbing into your lap or asking for a goodnight kiss.
How to Identify Your Child’s Primary Love Language
Every child benefits from all five love languages, but they usually have one or two that stand out. Here’s how to identify which ones speak loudest to your child:
Watch Their Reactions: Do they beam when you praise them? Snuggle in when you give hugs? Get excited over small surprises? Their natural responses give clues.
Observe How They Show Love: Kids often express love the way they want to receive it. If they constantly bring you little gifts or notes, "Gifts" may be their love language. If they always ask you to play with them, "Quality Time" could be it.
Listen to Their Requests: Pay attention to the things they ask for most. “Can you read me a story?” (Quality Time) or “Watch me do this!” (Words of Affirmation) are clear indicators.
Try a Love Language Experiment: Spend a few days focusing on each love language and see which one makes your child respond the most.
Age-Appropriate Ways to Speak Your Child’s Love Language
Now that you’ve identified your child’s love language, here are simple, everyday ways to fill their love tank.
Words of Affirmation
Leave a sticky note with an encouraging message in their lunchbox.
Praise their efforts, not just their results. “I love how hard you worked on that drawing.”
Say “I love you” often and enthusiastically.
Gifts
Surprise them with their favorite snack after school.
Start a small collection of meaningful keepsakes, like shells from a beach trip together.
Let them pick a special sticker or small treat as a reward for kindness.
Acts of Service
Make their bed with extra care, maybe even tucking in their favorite stuffed animal.
Help them organize their toys or set up an activity they enjoy.
Bake their favorite cookies just because.
Quality Time
Set a timer for 15 minutes of distraction-free playtime.
Create a weekly “mom and me” date, even if it’s just a walk around the block.
Have a one-on-one bedtime routine, like reading their favorite book together.
Physical Touch
Start the morning with a big bear hug.
Hold hands during storytime or while walking together.
Create a secret handshake just for the two of you.
How Love Languages Change as Kids Grow
As children grow, their love languages may shift—or they may express them in new ways. Here’s how to adjust as they age.
Toddlers and Preschoolers: Physical touch is often dominant at this stage. Snuggles, kisses, and playful tickles are key.
Elementary-Age Kids: They start showing clear preferences. Pay attention to their words and actions.
Tweens and Teens: Love languages become more nuanced. A teen who once loved hugs may now prefer verbal encouragement or thoughtful gifts. Stay flexible and adapt.
Final Thoughts: Love Your Kids in a Way That Speaks to Them
Understanding your child’s love language isn’t about doing more—it’s about loving more intentionally in ways that matter most to them. When kids feel loved in a way that truly resonates, they grow up with more confidence, security, and emotional intelligence.
So, what do you think your child’s love language might be?